The true cost-benefit of screen time
Reflections on Alanis Morissette, Care Bear clouds and wifi on London Underground.
The floor beneath me rumbles and shakes. The roar of the engine fills my ears, and my head and back are forced firmly into the chair behind me.
Meanwhile, the little girl in front of me is calm and still, and remains this way for the next 90 minutes. She seems neither scared nor excited, nor anything much from what I can tell. And of course, she causes no trouble at all which is, I don’t doubt, exactly the point.
Ten minutes later, buildings fade into the blue and, ensconced in 200 tonnes of metal, the little girl in the cat ear headphones and I power 20,000 feet above the ground, at 500 miles per hour over the sea. We pass puffy white clouds, the sort that always remind me of 1980’s Care Bears episodes, but the girl doesn’t see them. Her eyes are glued to her screen, where a princess and a castle are surrounded by a blue sky, complete with, you guessed it, pixelated puffy white Care-Bear clouds.
Alanis Morisette’s voice pierces my thoughts. ‘Never mind rain on your wedding day, Alanis, isn’t THIS ironic, don’t you think?’
Zero judgement to the parents, who seem lovely. Next week my husband will fly out with our 10 and seven year old daughters to meet me in San Francisco (where I am currently on a month-long research trip to California exploring the impact of smartphones on young people’s wellbeing) and I fully expect he will be relying on screens to get through the 20 hour round trip with the kids. I’m absolutely cool with that and expect most parents would do the same.
This isn’t about good or bad parenting, it’s about culture and society.
About how times have changed, both for the better (we can fly!) and for the worse (plenty more on that to come in future articles!) and what smartphones are doing to our brains, our relationships, our entire experience of being alive.
Or - just to get high-brow for a minute - if the ancient philosopher, Epictetus is right that ‘You become what you give your attention to’, then what are we becoming? When that little girl traveled in an aeroplane, did she really experience flight? What is the true opportunity-cost of our kids’ screen time? Is all screen time created equal?
I used to be a keen traveller but fast forward ten years, two kids, and a global pandemic, flying is a rarer occasion for me now. I notice how the experience of taking a plane has changed; no-one even pretends to watch the safety demonstrations today. All heads are down, everyone in a rush to send that last minute goodbye message to friends or family – me too.
But then I notice the “free wifi” sign and the in-seat USB chargers… Oh, so it’s only during take-off that we switch off phones now, i.e. about 20 minutes of disconnection? Still, all eyes remain down.
I am seated facing a flight attendant. The epitome of a poised professional, hands in her lap, straight spine, a mild smile pinned to her face. She sits entirely motionless for the full twenty minutes it takes for the captain to release her from duty.
Wow. I am amazed.
What was is she thinking during that time? Bored I imagine, and certainly not marveling at the miracle of flight at any rate.
When was the last time I did that? Have I ever? I don’t even achieve that level of stillness in meditation, which I practice nightly. As a child, I recall staring out the window of a bus or train, watching the rain fall and the people pass, feeling peaceful. But that was before I got a smartphone.
I did use to stand and stare sightlessly whilst I was on the tube. But then they introduced wifi to the London Underground and so my mindlessness (or would it have been mindfulness? I don’t know, but it felt like peace) was swiftly replaced with ‘quickly checking my messages’ and ‘just finishing off sending that email’. Somehow, I was always still typing as I stepped onto the platform and often continued typing as I walked home.
Ironically, the most relaxing commute I’ve ever had was a cross-city cycle via the infamous death trap of Blackfriars bridge and Elephant and Castle’s notorious old double roundabout. It turns out that avoiding getting squashed between an articulated lorry and a double-decker bus is about as ‘present’ and mindful as I have ever felt. As weird as it sounds, I would be completely relaxed by the time I got home - my day in the office, a distant memory. Back then, maybe when I checked my phone later, there might be a text or two to reply to, but that was all, because these were the days before Whatsapp groups. Oh, how times have changed…
As the plane descends, the girl’s Mum leans over to point out the buildings of Paris below. The girl wrinkles her nose, irritated by this interruption, but they spend a quiet minute or two looking out the window before she resumes watching the screen. The plane touches down. Our flight is over, the technological miracle complete. It is an unremarkable landing; no-one looks up from their phones. I wonder who else here remembers when people used to applaud the pilot.
Over the next month, whilst undertaking my Churchill Fellowship in California, I will explore some of the dilemmas for young people and parents presented by smartphone culture. I will share some of my learning in these newsletters and offer some insights into what we can do to help our kids, and ourselves survive and thrive in the digital age. I will probably also offer broader musings on life, wellness and working parents, depending on what’s on my mind at the time. I am not sure how frequent articles will be yet, perhaps once or twice weekly whilst I am away and then fortnightly on my return if I can keep it up!
I wrote this first newsletter on the flight over here but in just my first few days, what I have seen and heard makes it feel somewhat naive. If only this issue was just about reclaiming our attention.
I am a professional coach with twenty years’ experience in the children and youth sector in the UK and have been researching this topic for the last few years, even training as a certified Digital Wellness Educator - but I have been floored by some of the conversations this week in Silicon Valley with experts, educators, parents and children.
In a future post, I will share the responses young people gave me when I asked how they would raise their own children if they had them today. What they said was shocking and humbling - and strikingly consistent despite diverse backgrounds.
Thank you for reading and showing an interest in my research. If you found this newsletter interesting, please hit subscribe and share with friends.